“A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1 NIV
Proverbs is a book of trueisms (Dr Dharius Daniels) shared by King Solomon, Israel’s oldest and wisest king. Trueisms are generalities about life that King Solomon observed thousands of years earlier and are true today. “A gentle answer” means that we are responding to deeds or words spoken to us or against us. A gentle answer to someone’s deed or words can turn away wrath or prevent the escalation of conflict.
The things that make us respond angrily usually have to do with our own fears and triggers that are happening in real time within the conversation or actions. They can be fears of not feeling seen and heard, fears of losing respect and autonomy, and fears of rejection or abandonment. As an example: if someone yells at us and we respond by yelling back. We could be yelling back because we don’t feel respected.
I am talking about the underlining belief that is driving our response.
The word wrath is the Hebrew word, hema. Which means fury, rage, hot-tempered, poison, and indignation. Our choice to respond to others gently can prevent the escalation of anger.
How can we respond gently, when we are feeling attacked, unheard, or we become defensive? We can look to Jesus for the answer.
“When they found him on the other side of the lake, they asked him, ‘Rabbi, when did you get here?’
Jesus answered, ‘Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.’
Then they asked him, ‘What must we do to do the works God requires?’
Jesus answered, ‘The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.’
So they asked him, ‘What sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you? What will you do? Our ancestors ate manna in the wilderness; as it is written: ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.'”
John 6:26-31 NIV
Jesus fed the people the day before. He fed 5,000 men (this number could be double because it doesn’t include the women and children) with two fish and five loaves of bread. Everyone got as much food as they desired and after the people were finished eating, the disciples collected twelve baskets of scraps. The people had literally just experienced a miracle, the day before, and here they were asking for another, but not only that, they were suggesting that Jesus should feed them everyday from here on out, like their ancestors experienced in The Wilderness with Moses.
“Then Jesus declared, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe. All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I come down from Heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me.'”
John 6:35-38 NIV
Jesus calls out the people’s true agenda, but He doesn’t let it take him away from His Purpose. We don’t get lost in people and their things and their ways, we stay on task doing the will of God. Whether the people believe or not, He is the Son of Man. Whatever people say or do, does not change our identity, purpose, or our intentions in any way.
“Jesus said to them, ‘Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day, For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.’ He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum.”
John 6:53-59 NIV
Can you imagine it? Jesus is standing in church in front of the entire congregation talking about cannibalism. Jesus was controversial and authentic. People already don’t believe Him when He declares He has come from Heaven, but He continues and becomes even more inflammatory in His claims. The people would have to remain following Him to find out the meaning of these statements.
“From this time many of the disciples turned back and no longer followed him.
‘You do not want to leave too, do you?’ Jesus asked the Twelve.
Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.
John 6:66-69 NIV
We let the people sort themselves. The Twelve that stayed were the disciples that were ready to experience harm, pain, suffering, mistreatment, and even death to spread Christianity. We can be our authentic selves, be assertive, and stay in purpose, because the people and places we are meant to remain in are the places that are ready to support us and encourage us authentically.
“Then Jesus replied, ‘Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is the devil!’ (He meant Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, who, though one of the Twelve, was later to betray him.)
John 6:70-71 NIV
We can be gentle and assertive with our words and actions even when we are feeding our enemy. Jesus knew from the very beginning that Judas would betray Him (and it would lead to his death). Yet, he never treated Him any differently.
“But when the Jewish Festival of Tabernacles was near, Jesus’ brothers said to him, ‘Leave Galilee and go to Judea, so that your disciples there may see the works you do. No one who wants to become a public figure acts in secret. Since you are doing these things, show yourself to the world.’ For even his own brothers did not believe in him.”
John 7:1-5 NIV
They are being sarcastic. Jesus’ family doesn’t even believe He’s the Messiah.
“Therefore Jesus told them, ‘My time is not yet here; for you any time will do. The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify that its works are evil. You go to the festival. I am not going up to this festival, because my time has not yet fully come.’ After he had said this, he stayed in Galilee.”
John 7:6-9 NIV
Jesus understands the intention of the conversation. He knows it’s sarcasm. Yet, He doesn’t get lost in trying to prove his identity, by performing miracles and explaining Himself. He is the Messiah and that doesn’t change based on people, friends, and even his own family accepting His identity as the truth. He is. He responds as if they have made a real suggestion.
“The soothing tongue is a tree of life,
but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.”
Proverbs 15:4 NIV
Be gentle and assertive with your words and let the people do what they do. Yes, even if it is our enemy, they doubt us, reject us, and even when they are being rude and sarcastic. Our job remains unchanged to be gentle and assertive, even to our enemies.
